Automat

Go there...

In case you haven't heard, it's BAMN Automat on St. Marks. Go there. Go there when you're so drunk and stoned that all you want to do is eat. Nothing there is more than $4, so don't complain about not having money for food.

www.bamnfood.com

Chaim Witz

Yup, that's Gene Simmons' real name. Pretty funny, huh. In past postings, I've established that I'm not the biggest fan of Kiss music. However, I totally respect their impact and legacy on rock music and its relationship with merchandising. But now I command a much higher respect for Gene after reading this article. It is really moving.

The flamboyant, Israeli-born rocker Gene Simmons has sent a televised message of support to an Israeli soldier seriously wounded in fighting in Lebanon, calling him his 'hero.' Simmons, 57, founded the heavy metal band Kiss in the 1970s and became famous for wearing white and black face makeup, spitting fire and sticking his tongue out at sold-out elaborate performances. Simmons, the band's bass player, was born Chaim Witz in the northern Israeli city of Haifa before emigrating to New York as a child. Simmons sent a video message this week to Ron Weinreich, an Israeli soldier and die-hard Kiss fan, who was seriously wounded in Israel's 34-day fight with Hizbullah guerrillas in Lebanon. Weinreich remains hospitalized and is paralyzed from the chest down. Above his hospital bed, a Kiss poster is spread across the wall. Weinreich's brother had his wedding relocated this week to the hospital, so his brother could attend. At the wedding, the surprise recording was played. "Hi Ron, this is Gene Simmons. I'm talking to you from my home. I can't tell you how proud I am of you, and how much the world and Israel owes you a debt of gratitude," he said. "From the bottom of my heart, you are a real hero, you are everybody's hero, you are my hero and I wish I could be there with you." Suddenly switching to confident Hebrew, Simmons added: "My name is Chaim, I was born in Haifa." He concluded by saying in English: "I wish you my best, a happy life and I hope the wedding comes off and everybody should honor you because you are a real hero."

(via Jerusalem Post)

Failure

To all my readers, go to Google and type in "Failure."

A Letter

Dear Bob,

You need to get off your high horse. To say that no good-sounding records have come out in the past two decades is what's atrocious. I love your music dude, but you can't criticize the forward thrust of technology. Even you had the urge, back when you "went electric" at the 1965 Newport Folk Festival to experiment with new technology in your music. Creative minds now are just experimenting in the same way. Just be careful not to criticize the music of our generation, or else you have become what you grew up hating - the music of your parents. It's okay, we know you've lost touch with the music you completely helped inspire.

An Angered Fan.

Those Muthaf*@#$% Snakes Are Everywhere!

This cartoon I created owes its genesis to an evolving conversation I had with a friend regarding Snakes on a Plane. Therefore, I don't take full credit. But I take enough. Click on It.

Who You Gonna Call...?

To say that Ghostbusters is not in my top ten favorite movies would be an incredible lie. I grew up on this movie, even though it was released when i was 3 years old. I had the action figures, the slime, the proton backpack....the works. Okay, this is the point where you start to think the author is a complete tool. Leaving this minute factor aside, however, I felt that any fan of this movie could benefit from this website. Ironicsans put together this awesome interactive map highlighting all landmarks appearing in Ghostbusters. You will enjoy this, just have some faith.

Hey Whiteboy

I got called "Whiteboy" the other night by a bum on the F train. At first, I wasn't sure if I should rejoice or reel in disbelief. But now in clearer thought, rejoice I am. My street cred has gone from zero to 5% from this comment alone. Yup, still a loser, last I checked.

But this idiot bum felt calling me a derogatory label would grab my attention, thus allowing me to contribute to his "fund". I hope he learned his lesson.

Rock It Man

So I'm watching the Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner, and am laughing my ass off. It's reminding me of that scene in Family Guy in which he gets skewered for his "acting" abilities. Rock It Man...



and a funny clip from the roast courtesy of Sulu...

Bueller....Frye....

This year marks the 20th anniversary of the Breakfast Club. In partial celebration of this feat, a documentary about the impact of Eighties teen movies is set for release. It is aptly titled Don't You Forget About Me after the Simple Minds tune featured in Breakfast Club. No release date has been given for the film. Contributors to the documentary include Ally Sheedy, Judd Nelson, Mia Sara, and Roger Ebert. It is directed by Matt Austin Go Here for Film's Website. (via Billboard)

Mid-East in Deep Poop

200

Pitchfork has an awesome segment of the Top 200 songs of the Sixties. Part I encompasses songs #200-151. In their words:

People always ask: "When is Pitchfork gonna run a list of the top albums of the 1960s?" The answer today? Probably never. Not that we didn't consider it. It's just that when we sat down to map it all out, we found it would be more rewarding to approach the decade through its songs instead. After all, it was by and large a single-oriented era-- the long-player didn't really take over as a creative medium until the 60s had nearly come to an end. And besides, Revolver's ego is out of hand as it is.

So today, we kick off the largest feature in Pitchfork history, a five-day trip through the first full decade of the pop/rock era. From today until Friday, we'll roll out the 200 songs that most resonate with a generation too young to have experienced the decade firsthand, but old enough to know it had more to offer than "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction".

Honestly, the countdown sounds more like something Rolling Stone would do. Face it, they regurgitate best-of lists more often than Pete Doherty shoots up. However, Pitchfork is forgiven, as one rarely will see such lists. Plus their content is much more substantial.

Post Script: And for the record, I rate Rubber Soul over Revolver any day.

Can You Tell Me How to Get...

Nobody thought Ernie and Bert were gay until "maturity" took hold of our lives. Now that we're older, it's much easier to see the error of our ignorant youthful ways. Now another ambiguously gay character is joing the neighborhood. Her name is Abby Cadabbie, and she's a "fairy" in training. The premise of this character needs to be a double entendre, otherwise parents would lose interest while watching with their kids. This way, parents can laugh along quietly without incident.

On a related note, I've always wondered this - is Big Bird a guy or girl? S/He's definitely got the Pat syndrome.

Eat It

You would never know it by looking at me, but I love to eat. In fact I'm always eating. So you can imagine my delight upon receiving this link in an email. See how your appetite stacks up against these serial eaters - pun intended. Here is the Champ's menu:

Bib Sheet Nagano, Japan Age: 27 Weight: 160

• Cow Brains: 57 (17.7 pounds) / 15 minutes

• Hamburgers: Krystals: 69 Krystal Square Burgers / 8 minutes/ Nov. 13, 2004

• Hot Dogs: 53 1/2 Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs and Buns / 12 minutes/ July 4, 2004

• Rice Balls: 20 pounds rice balls / 30 minutes

Sort of makes you wonder how badly the bathroom probably smells the morning after one of these contests.

I Cut Math That Day

I'm a huge fan of urban street art; an art form that really has no boundries. Yet I fail to grasp why somebody would spray paint this onto a roadside barrier.

There's nothing cool or hip about the Quadratic Formula. For me, it is just a fading memory from high school math courses. Apparently not to this person. My guess is the author was some douchebag hipster acting on a pre-conceived notion to expose some sort of non-existent irony. Regardless of the author, I still got a good chuckle from it. But nothing more than a chuckle. I wasn't LOL'ing or ROTFL'ing.

Why?

Earlier this year, the surviving members of Alice in Chains traveled across the U.S. to play a mere six club dates, recruiting Comes With the Fall frontman William DuVall to stand in for the late Layne Staley.

So now, the band has decided to head back out this fall, having booked a total of 40 gigs, sprinkled throughout the U.S., with one date in Canada.

The tour will get underway September 22 in Las Vegas and run through November 26 in San Francisco, with additional dates being added over the next few weeks. It remains unclear whether the newly reunited Chains will record new material with DuVall any time soon, but guitarist Jerry Cantrell said in February that it was a remote possibility.

I'm not at all excited about this reunion. Way to sully AIC's legacy.

(via MTV)

No Shirts, No Shoes...

I was at CB's Gallery last week to see a show and was amazed at the number of people who came in strictly for the tshirt. People who otherwise have no idea of the club's impact on music history and downtown NY culture, roll in to purchase a shirt they deem chic. Like Chuck Taylors, CBGB shirts are suffering from a tragic case of complete mainstream saturation. Chucks were the sneakers you wore because you were short on cash. At one point these sneakers were $25. Now you can't find them for less than $40. Everyone and their fuckin mother now has a pair. Hipsters, trendsters, and yuppies can finally agree on some form of fashion. It's not the first time, but I certainly hope it's the last.

CBGB officially closes at the end of September, so don't forget to pick up a tshirt. CB's won't be the same in Vegas, regardless of whether Hilly brings the bathroom intact.

Top Five

Walking home from work the other day, I picked up the latest L Magazine and came across this gem of an article.

Everyone loves stereotyping areas of NYC ad nauseum, including me. So grab your book of cliches and hop on board for the ride. Okay, that was lame..

Map About Town Five NYC Clichés... ...and What They Really Think By Evan Gruzis They say every cliché is grounded in reality. Granted, there is truth in this, but most of the time it’s just an excuse to make fun of people you don’t really understand. Well, in an effort to redress some wrongs, we offer you five NYC clichés and what they’re really thinking (which may or not redress any actual wrongs). 1. Midwestern Tourist “Look, I’ve always wanted to move to New York and become a writer or work in a gallery, but various circumstances never allowed it to happen. So what if I got a good deal on a hotel in Midtown? So what if I find shorts comfortable? Why are you so obsessed with appearances, anyway? Have you ever seen pictures of William Gass? Whatever, I’m on my way to BAM.” 2. The Trust-Fund Hipster “Am I to blame for the fortunes of my parents? I may dress like a malnourished nine year old, and my attempts at “art” may seem amateurish and derivative… but at least I’m trying to add a little beauty to the world!” 3. The Wall Street Trader “I firmly believe that free-market economies are the best way to address the iniquity between First and Third World standards of living. Granted, globalization unchecked can ruin a country, but that’s why I’m here, to check it. What are you doing about it?” 4. The Bridge and Tunnel Kid “I have one of the finest collections of Civil Rights memorabilia in the Tri-State Area. Sure, I like to party, but the world’s not just about getting action.” 5. The Model “I have a PhD from the University of Bratislava, with a specialization in non-Euclidean geometry. Fuck you.”

Breakin the Law

Breakin the Law by Judas Priest. It invokes images of scatterbrained youth, fitted with a full mop of hair, snake arm tatoos, Doc Marten boots, and more chains than a dominatrix; of sweaty fat dudes dominating mosh pits; of Beavis and Butthead in all their debauchery, singing along as they, for lack of a better phrase, break the law.

One never thinks of a shirtless old lanky dude with loose skin and no teeth. An old dude sitting on the sidewalk with and iPod? And shouting the words to passers by. I admit it's classic rock, but there's nothing classic about that bizarre situation. I should have tossed him a quarter and told him to shut the fuck up. Then again he was breakin the law, because I think panhandling is technically illegal. But who's keeping track anyway.

Just a Question

I have valid question for everyone. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? If you don't eat meat because of cruelty to animals, then eating these cookies technically makes you hypocrite. Am I wrong? What do you think?

Bat III

Can someone please tell Mr. Loaf to stop milking the Bat Out of Hell franchise? It's been almost 30 years since the seminal album was released (which also happens to be one of my favorites). Not to mention, it's been Meat Loaf's only real big hit in the same time. Everything between Bat Out of Hell and Back Into Hell is rarely heard. I have yet to meet someone that likes the shit released between these two albums.

So obviously, Meat needs to once again capitalize on the name to garner more fans; and ultimately cash. He teamed up (again) with songsmith Jim Steinaman on the forthcoming album, Bat III. The real pattern here is every dozen years Meat Loaf has a hit. It's time for the next one. Let's hope not.

The project was produced by Desmond Child and features contributions from "Bat Out of Hell" producer Todd Rundgren, Motley Crue's Nikki Sixx, Queen's Brian May, Steve Vai and John 5. Longtime collaborator Steinman wrote seven tracks, following the resolution of a recent lawsuit over the "Bat Out of Hell" trademark.

(via Billboard)

25 & Still Relevant?

MTV is one month and three weeks older than me. Alas, I never got to witness the launch of the once-great tv station. I have witnessed, though, the metamorphosis of the channel from trend setter in the music industry to a mockery of itself.

The glory days are gone forever, but you can relive them here. I decided to choose a random sample of video clips in MTV history.

The Launch & Introductions (8/1/81)



First Video (You Must know this nugget of info)



Early Promo



Remote Control (See the Stars) - 1987 - 1990



The State (I'm Outta Heeerre)



THE Dynamic Duo



Jackass