We Brake for Nobody

If you're anything like me, then Spaceballs has a special place in your life. Movie snobs often criticize that this is Mel's worst movie and shouldn't rank with his other classics. I, however, vehemently disagree. So good new for all the "assholes" out there. Spaceballs is making its triumphant return as an animated series in Fall 2007. Before you grunt a disapproval, let it be known that Mel himself is writing the pilot and overseeing the project.

Shanah Tovah, and may the Schwartz be with you!

(via Variety.com)

1/4

With the quarter century marker approaching fast, I got to thinking. I got to thinking how I will probably be carded for the rest of my life. Getting carded at bars is not what chafes my ass. It's getting carded for R rated movies. That's right kids, yours truly still (on occasion) gets carded at the movies. Carded by douchebag a decade younger than me. Also, I think I've pretty much looked the same at every point in my life.

Anyway, I invite all commentary and/or jackass comments regarding age in general, how young I look, and the fact that we are headed to another world war.

Born with Royalty:
1. Bruce Springsteen
2. Jason Alexander
3. Ray Charles
4. John Coltrane

Never Too Early to Learn?

As told to me by a kindergarten teacher friend of mine:

Daughter: Mommy I want a penis
Mother: Honey, girls don't have penises
Daughter: But I want one
Mother: Well when you get older you can have all the penis you want
Daughter: Yay!

Getting her started a bit early, are we?

Crunk Hashanah

Rosh Hashanah is next weekend. Happy New Year to all the Jews out there!

A New Game

Here's a new game to play. Cut out the pieces and dress up Dubya..(MSNBC)

Final Breath

Within the month, CBGB will no longer be on the Bowery. Almost fitting, as its canopies no longer match the glass boxes thrown up in its midst. In the current issue of the Village Voice, Lenny Kaye of the Patti Smith Group (and mastermind behind the legendary Nuggets record) wrote an outstanding farewell piece to the swank pit he once called home.

Do yourself a favor and read it...

It's always the same ritual unfolding, load-in to load-out, sound check to sonic overload, visiting the stations of the rock-and-roll cross. Hauling the equipment in past the pinball machine. Positioning the amplifier on the splintered stage. Tuning the guitar, hearing the first chord seep into walls that have been tempered to the sound of electric noise. Shouting into the microphone, knowing it's never going to approximate the rebound of the audience throwing it back at you, after you've waited backstage for hours in that cramped lean-to of a dressing room with no door—somehow fitting in a club of such an egalitarian nature—and illegible layers of band stickers and graffiti letting you know who else has done their time here, a grand continuum. Straining to hear your-self over the treble pierce of the monitors, the drummer's snare cracking at your own eardrums. The lights burning into you, the crowd—and it could well be you out there—daring you to top yourself. Suicide or transcendence, take your pick, guitar or ax. (CONTINUE)

Memorialized

You're truly not a universal icon until your likeness is used for bobble-head and action figures (Moichendising, Moichendising). If I were to compare myself to an action figure, it would definitely be Stretch Armstrong, the lankiest, skinniest dude in the toy market. Do I remind you of any other toys? And now onetime grunge heads, 10 years past their prime, can purchase a piece of musical history with the Kurt Cobain action figure. Kur(d)t has finally reached a new high in his posthumous career. The icon of modern rock is immortalized once again as an action figure. This second action figure is based on his appearance in the 1993 MTV Unplugged special. Cobain comes with his acoustic guitar, a chair, microphone, and music stand. Expertly sculpted and highly detailed, this figure is a must-have for Cobain and Nirvana fans! Item is due to ship by late December, 2006. (via FMQB and Wizarduniverse)

Goodbye

This is really sad. The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, has passed away. He died from a stingray barb that hit him in the chest on the northern coast of Australia. Me being a huge dork, I used to love watching his shows where he would play with the most dangerous animals in the jungle, so often coming close to death. That coupled with his deep outback accent made the show pretty damn hilarious. Only fitting that he died by an animal in the wild. We'll miss him.

SYDNEY, Australia (CNN) -- Steve Irwin, the TV presenter known as the "Crocodile Hunter," has died after being stung by a stingray in a marine accident off Australia's north coast.

Media reports say Irwin was snorkeling at Batt Reef, a part of the Great Barrier Reef about 9 miles (about 15 kilometers) from the town of Port Douglas, when the incident happened on Monday morning.

Irwin, 44, was killed by a stingray barb that pierced his chest, according to Cairns police sources.

Irwin was in the area to film pieces for a show called "Ocean's Deadliest" with Phillippe Cousteau, grandson of Jacques, Irwin's manager and friend John Stainton told CNN's "American Morning." But weather had prevented the crew from doing work for that program, said Stainton, so Irwin decided to do some softer features for a new children's TV show he was doing with his daughter, Bindi.

"He came over the top of a stingray that was buried in the sand, and the barb came up and hit him in the chest," said Stainton.

Ambulance officers confirmed they attended a reef fatality Monday morning off Port Douglas, according to Australian media. (Watch scenes of Irwin, known for his his enthusiasm and support for conservation -- 2:49)

Queensland Police Services also confirmed Irwin's death and said his family had been notified. Irwin was director of the Australia Zoo in Queensland. (Read the TIME.com obituary.)

He is survived by his American-born wife Terri and their two children, Bindi Sue, born 1998, and Robert (Bob), born December 2003.

"The world has lost a great wildlife icon, a passionate conservationist and one of the proudest dads on the planet," Stainton told reporters in Cairns, according to The Associated Press. "He died doing what he loved best and left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. He would have said, 'Crocs Rule!' " (Watch a remembrance of Steve Irwin -- 1:58)

Australia Prime Minister John Howard said he was "shocked and distressed at Steve Irwin's sudden, untimely and freakish death," according to AP. "It's a huge loss to Australia."

Irwin became a popular figure on Australian and international television through Irwin's close handling of wildlife, most notably the capture and relocation of crocodiles.

Irwin's enthusiastic approach to nature conservation and the environment won him a global following. He was known for his exuberance and use of the catch phrase "Crikey!"

"It's unbelievable, really," Jack Hanna, the host of "Jack Hanna's Animal Adventure" and director emeritus of the Columbus (Ohio) Zoo, told CNN. "You think of Steve Irwin and you think 'invincible.' "

Hanna, a friend of Irwin's, noted that Irwin's persona of the Crocodile Hunter was no act. Irwin grew up around crocodiles, snakes and other animals at his parents' Queensland Reptile and Fauna Park and had been handling such creatures since he was a child.

"The guy lived his life this way," said Hanna. "It was how he was raised. You knew that this guy, from the time he was 8 or 9 years old, was working with crocodiles and snakes."

Though stingrays can be threatening, their sting -- usually prompted by self-defense -- is not often fatal. The bull ray that apparently stung Irwin was "a one-in-a-million thing," wildlife documentary maker Ben Cropp told TIME. "I have swum with many rays, and I have only had one do that to me."

"A wild animal is like a loaded gun -- it can go off at any time," Hanna told CNN. "You have to be careful of that." But, he added, it's not the animals who are inherently dangerous, but the way they may react around humans. "It's not fair to the animal. It's only using the defenses that God gave it," said Hanna.